GROOMING - WHAT IS IT AND HOW DO WE KNOW IF IT'S HAPPENING?
You haven’t known your new neighbors long, but the father seems like a genuinely nice guy. He and his wife have three children. They were at the neighborhood pool party last weekend and you saw him offering to help out others in the neighborhood. Apparently, his son is on the same soccer team as some of the other children, including your son, and, since he works from an office at home, he offered to take the boys to and from practice. He also offered to let your son practice with he and his son on the weekends. You are a “single parent” this summer as your spouse is on an extended assignment for work in Mexico and the schedule is hectic. The new neighbor seems like the answer to a prayer but is he for real or a predator in action? How do you tell?
Most child molesters are appealing, sometimes charismatic people who have tremendous ability to win over everyone around. They use their talents to gain children’s confidence and to obtain parents’ trust in order to act on their own sexual desires.
Molesters target children who are comfortable with them and are, therefore, vulnerable. They also look for children that are experiencing difficult of challenging times. Then they befriend the child and the nurture the child’s comfort and ease. This makes it easier to convince the parents that the child molester is really just there to help out. Parents frequently see the molester as a kind, caring, and generous person who genuinely cares about children.
Identifying the motives of an adult who comes into a child’s life can be difficult. How do you tell the difference between a compassionate adult who genuinely cares about children and a predator? Molesters work hard to make the children feel special and to reassure caretakers of their sincere interest in the child.
Parents who are often overwhelmed by complicated schedules and increasing demands from all sides are sometimes just grateful for the support. They see only what the molester wants them to see. They want to believe that they would instinctively know if someone was grooming them or their child so they let down their guard and that opens the door for the molester.
To protect children, parents must be cautious about all adults who come into their child’s life. They must be reluctant to give in to the tendency to accept an adult’s offer of assistance at face value. They must be particularly skeptical of any adult who demonstrates a special interest in a child or group of children or prefers to spend time with children rather than adults. Parents must be alert to all the warning signs of potential molesters. They must pay attention when an adult gives gifts to a child, particularly without permission, or when the adult goes overboard touching children. Any or all of these signs should raise red flags and red flags require additional investigation.
The only way to know whether an adult is a child molester is to remain on alert. Pay attention to all the adults in a child’s life. Notice whether any of them exhibit warning signs of abuser. Be aware of what is going on in the child’s life. Ask questions and listen to children. Find out whether someone is letting children do things even when parents disapprove.
As Bishop Raymond Boland reminds says in A Plan to Protect God’s Children: “, which is part of National Catholic Services primary prevention program for the Catholic Church, [Parents] must develop a very health suspicion about every program (and adult) to which they entrust their children…Take nothing for granted…” Keeping eyes and ears open and remaining alert to the potential risks are a parent’s best defense against the grooming practices of child molesters.